Why therapy
I've been a psychotherapist for more than 15 years and have worked with clients from every walk of life: artists, designers, builders, soldiers, students, young, old, men and women.
People usually come to me because there has been a sudden change in their life and are hurting, confused, and in crisis mode. Maybe the change feels catastrophic, maybe just unwanted and unpleasant. Maybe it's something that they wanted badly such as a job promotion or a baby, but are struggling to adjust to the new demands placed on them.
Working at the edge of crisis is where danger lurks and opportunity is born. Crisis gives us momentum and motivation to change.
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My job is to help people to lean into what is happening - good or bad and cultivate compassionate curiosity about how our minds shape the world.
A closer examination of our lives reveals self-similar patterns at scales small and large. What happens over and over?
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Even though you might be suffering, this doesn't mean that psychiatric labels and drugs will make it go away. Human suffering cannot - and perhaps shouldn't - be prescribed away; emotional discomfort is an alert system that tells us something needs to be attended to. Just because you silence the alarm does not mean that the causes of distress have magically disappered.
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The slow - but enduring - solution is to become your own trusted companion and develop the resilience to weather tough moments.
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You are not your suffering; neither are you the sum of your roles - although your commitments are important. You are not your work, or your performance.
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Who else is in there? Would you like to hear from those parts of you that have been silent for too long?
Would you like to write a different story for yourself?
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I offer sessions face-to-face in my home in Hereford, or online
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Common complaints
Anxiety
Anxiety is the chronic activation of system FEAR, an adaptive neuro-affective system that all mammals share. Apart from those who are exposed to bullying and violence, most of the threats human beings face are symbolic. Typically we learn to avoid the situations and stimuli we fear. But every time we retreat, fear expands into this space and our world shrinks a little.
Depression
Depression is a loss of joy, pleasure and the ability to feel connected. There are many routes to depression, including loss of status, a lack of community, a lack of meaning and effectiveness in our lives. Lack of predictability and control can lead to feelings of helplessness. Depression is more than sadness - some experience numbness and a sense of being profoundly alone and separate from the world
Relationships
Relationships are hard to build and maintain, and easy to damage. They require give-and-take, gratitude and goodwill. Five doses of positivity to every dose of negativity. John Gottman talks about four horsemen that lead to relationship apocalypse: contempt, criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling. The relationship with a therapist can be a laboratory in which to experiment with new ways of relating.